I think I kinda wanta break-up with you. Ok okay…before you freak out, I want to air out a few things… maybe we can work it out? I mean you’ve done so much for me. Remember back in the day? I’m thinking 1995ish.
It was fun to turn you on. You would make all those crazy dial-up sounds. The scraping, the grinding, the weird muffly sounds that rang out right before the sweet silence of us being connected. I loved the little green light that flashed on to show me you were with me.
We were younger then and your lack of website polish and design endeared me to you even more. I smiled when I saw the insanely colored backgrounds, the stupid looking fonts, and the keyword stuffing at the end of your website pages. It was so freeing to see the words ‘buy now – best product from China’ typed over and over. The words ‘you’ve got mail’ made me cheer. That little mailbox flag on AOL pointing up was just perfect for me! You chose me Internet and I loved our time together.
You’ve helped me get jobs, talk to friends, and share stuff. You’ve been there for me through thick and thin. Remember that time I was so desperate for a horse?
You…yes you had the perfect one show up on my screen. It was like you were magic. I felt such love for you. You were there for me and you tried so hard to make me happy. Even when you irrationally disconnected from me, I would patiently wait until you came back.
But now I feel that things have changed. Maybe I have changed and dare I say you have too. I’m not sure our relationship is entirely healthy.
Hang-on, hang-on! I know that you’re giving me that look. Yes, I that one. Please hear me out.